A Prime Premier View

"But I already pay for Sky & BT Sport".

"It hasn't frozen again, has it?"

"Oh, give me Match of the Day over this rubbish any day".

The excuses were ready. Primed, you could say. The @primevideouk twitter complaint was good to go.

We didn't want our English Premier League hijacked by the Yanks. Especially not when you have to subscribe again and set a reminder to cancel within 30 days or you'll be charged.

But then the first Premier League goal scored live on Amazon was scored by a Brazilian. This poetic irony best symbolised the perfect delivery of this pre-festive football.

The backdrop couldn't have been further from the actual Amazon. A wintry Lancashire evening in December. The kind of evening that has us (Pep Guardiola included, by the way) blowing warm air out of our mouths in the most basic weather assessment of temperature ever known just to prove that yes, it really is pretty cold.

A sublime piece of God-given skill by the angelic Gabriel Jesus, who expertly caressed the ball beyond the aptly named Pope in the Burnley goal. The fact this wasn't even the best goal of the evening (that went to Rhodri's thunderbolt) told you everything about the quality of City's performance in what is typically the acid test of a team of international flair superstars.

Crystal Palace had three points delivered to home against Bournemouth despite being down to 10-men for most of the game.

Amazon's next-day delivery featured no less than six premier league games and some five-star ratings. The only footballer who wouldn't look out of place amongst the overgrown, somewhat gangly trees of the Amazon, Peter Crouch (above) was providing expert opinion on the Merseyside derby. His former club, Liverpool plundered four in an Amazing first half performance that was enough to see Everton boss Marco Silva chopped like a decaying rainforest tree, becoming the fifth Premier League manager to be culled in recent weeks. Still, this rate of culling is still not as alarming (or frankly as important) as the fact we lose an area the size of a football pitch every single minute to deforestation of the world's largest rainforest.

If the Merseyside derby wasn't prime viewing, then surely Jose Mourinho's return to the Manchester United was. Jose always regretted adding The Lowry Hotel as yet another delivery address to his account and would have been even more dismayed when there was only a few household goods, one electrical item and no Premier League points left in the porch. Unfortunately for Amazon, that also meant no iconic dash down the Old Trafford touchline or the hallway this time for Jose.

Meanwhile, Chelsea, Leicester and Wolves all clicked & collected three points as their impressive managers continue to come up with the goods. The three clubs will do well to keep the trio from the Christmas lists of Premier League Chairmen.

If the only thing we were missing to convince the still lukewarm American audience of 'soccer's lure was a night of upsets, then Thursday truly delivered. The seagulls of Brighton hovered over the Emirates like an Amazonian Eagle eyeing its next prey. When they spotted the shiny head of interim boss Freddie Ljunberg, they circled and swooped in to pluck a 2-1 victory over their hosts.

The Magpies, meanwhile, also pinched a 2-0 win at high-flying Sheffield United, with a goal straight from the route-one shelf (or should that be shelvey)?

And so we had it, the future of football. Our Premier League with its river-like twists and turns ruthlessly pirated by an American corporate behemoth and streamed through the internet. We really shouldn't like. But we do. Just as long as we don't forget to cancel our subscription.

Well done, 👏 @primevideouk