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A Satirical Take on the Day Parliament Got in the Way of The Real Super Saturday...



Super Saturday. The country held its collective breath. TV and radio stations are filled with opinion, anticipation and prediction, newspapers are doing special pull-outs and the bookies are even taking bets on who's going to win. Rumours that Diane Abbott has wagered £300,000 that could have been spent on (insert number here) new Police Officers, on Brighton winning the league, cannot yet be confirmed. It’s the much anticipated return of the Premier League after another international break.


‘Super’ because it's not often these days that you get a whole eight games on Match of the Day that means you're almost compelled to doze off watching Bournemouth vs Norwich whilst the Mrs wanders off to bed just to prove that you're a proper football fan. (It finished goalless just in case you didn't last the course).

The final viewer of Bournemouth vs Norwich finally succumbs

As a crisp Autumnal Saturday morning begins, a group of predominantly middle-aged white men, many of whom longing for a steak patty or sausage roll take to their seats amid the impending chaos engulfing their 'club'. Why? Because it's also the first time that parliament will sit on a Saturday since the Falklands war in 1982. Something to do with that little Brexit thingymabob.


A 9:30am kick off at Westminster meant a start of 12:30pm for the 'early’ premier league kick off' allowed Marco Silva and Manuel Pellegrini a relative lie-in. Mind you, 66 year old Pellegrini had probably already been up since about 5:30 making the most of his dwindling years as it seems most pensioners do. Not that it did him much good, Silva's men running out 2-0 winners in a routine performance that helped to relieve some of the pressure that was mounting on the Portuguese.


This result left Spurs' Argentinian import, Mauricio Pochettino in the unenviable 'Most Unpopular Leader' position, kindly sponsored by Jeremy Corbyn,' after Delay Alli (sorry, Dele*) rescued a point at home to a struggling Watford side in a varcial game that made the implementation of Article 50 look as clean as a referee’s brand new whistle in comparison to the Premier League’s implementation of VAR. Hopefully they won’t need two new leaders, three years and civil unrest from the stands to sort it out.

The Portuguese was granted an extension after his side's 2-0 win

Whilst the Brexit debate/debacle (delete as appropriate) was well underway, the MPs could well be forgiven for having a wandering eye or two on Jeff Stelling and his Brexit-supporting cast. Six 3pm kick offs saw Villa beat Brighton 2-1 in the last minute with left back Matt finding the Targett, Frank Lampard’s youthful pro-remainers defeat Newcastle 1-0 in front of Chelsea’s pro-Brexit pensioners and big supporters of the EU's freedom of movement, Wolves, sharing the spoils in a 1-1 draw with Southampton. Meanwhile, Leicester City came from behind to beat Burnley 2-1 with Chris Wood and Youri Tielemans on the scoresheet alongside…………………………... Rebekah Vardy’s husband.


Jamie Vardy with the typical hand to ear celebration but was it aimed at Colleen Rooney, the traveling Burnley fans or parliament itself?

Hot on the heels of ‘The Poch’ for the aforementioned Corbyn award ahead of yesterday's game against Liverpool, was Ole Gunnar Solskjaer, who responded with a 1-1 draw against the league leaders that lifted some of the gloom around Old Trafford and may perhaps give Ole a bit more time to secure a 'Norway style' leaving arrangement that seemed to be all the rage just six months ago. Mind you, so did Ole himself. How times change.


If any of the three under-fire bosses do happen to need advice on getting a divorce agreement in the coming months, we can recommend BJConsulting LLP, a new legal service specialising in messy, drawn out and unresolvable conflict. They offer services on behalf of both managers and thrifty Chairmen (Daniel Levy, that’s you) and they even claim to have specialist experience of hiring a dodgy coach based on an at-worst-dishonest, at-best-misleading, advert.


A special guest at the launch of BJ Consulting LLP

A day that promised so much excitement, drama and news actually fell pretty flat on its face, best epitomised by Aston Villa 2-1 Brighton being the opening game on Match of the Day. Still, Actually Very Average, Not Much Development Saturday, - doesn’t quite have the same ring to it, does it?

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